Bad Weed and kidnappings

There are many things I might have learned at medical school if I did not become an accountant instead. Everything I know about medicine is contained within this sentence. That and watching twentieth-century medical dramas while visiting my Gramma Nana Oyl. I was to sit there, sip my tea and “Shut the Hell up, Honey,” until the show was over. I have learned many difficult lessons about medicine, like for meds it matters that a teaspoon is the little spoon and a tablespoon is the big spoon.

Lilybell scored some bad weed. Rolled around in some garden apparently. I’ve heard reports of some random acts of gardening.…Y’know I am not sure how important that all is. Lilybell was in shock in the clinic and not breathing. There was a trooper trying to help her out who looked like Bollywood actor Sharukh Khan, Tillery and a really angry looking burly clown-faced dude no one introduced me to who for the sake of simplicity I refer to as Darth Bobo. Tillery is in a wheelchair again, some taser, EMP or other whatchamacalit fried his artificial nerves. Did I mention someone tried kidnapping Tillery? Kidnapping, it’s the new black.



Sharukh tried figuring out what was wrong with LilyBell. Her tongue was swelling or something. I really should pay attention better, these details could be important if you have to make a medical decision. I found some syringes of adrenaline. I thought we were supposed to shove it thru her chest directly into her heart, but Sharukh thought just a vein in the leg as better. I also saw on TV show about hitting the chest really really hard to restart the heart. I don’t actually recall if her heart was beating or not, everyone was all obsessed about her breathing or it might have been the convulsions. We were about to try a tracheotomy, “Okay, you cut her throat, I shove in the tube….,” when Darth Bobo found some Kevlar tubing that LilyBell couldn’t bite thru. Still the engine lubricant on it, maybe that would help. They seemed to think that was a better idea than cutting her throat open. Apparently this clinic is a democracy. Lily came to for a few seconds and knocked Sharukh Khan unconscious then whispered Gallagher’s name and reminded Tillery that she was his favorite.



The day was saved. Oh wait, a new patient. Sharukh Khan was knocked unconscious when his head got slammed against the concrete wall. I may have any medical training, but I know an owie when I see one.

Being the only burly in the room, Darth Bobo lifted Sharukh onto a bed and strapped him in. Medical training would have really helped at this point. A doctor or a medic would also be helpful around now, or a dentist maybe. Soooo, Sharukh hit his head…..well, to be more precise Lily slammed his head into a concrete wall with adrenaline enhanced superhuman strength. Who would have guessed? She rested for a while after that. Moving on.

Dunno if you wake the head injury dude or let them sleep it off. I decided to try and wake him up. Splashing cold water didn’t help, nor putting his hand in warm water. Nor removing his armor. DIBS on the armor! Dousing his wounds in rubbing alcohol and salt didn’t seem to do much, or is that supposed to be for zombies? I tried wafting ammonia under his nose, nuthin’. Or is that for fainting? Darth Bobo suggested that electopaddles they use on heart attack people. I couldn’t find any, but I had my stungun. It would be like jump starting a car. I couldn’t find clamps though. I was just about to try shoving the adrenaline syringe into his chest, when he miraculously woke up. It did not seem to be the day for shoving needles thru people’s chest. It worked in the movie, “Pulp Fiction,” Gramma Nana’s favorite film, along with “Grindhouse”. She’s a big fan of the classics.

Xoxo was all angry at Sharukh, almost killed Lily, blah blah blah. Hey Xoxo, Lily’s your genetic construct, put a medical id bracelet with simple to follow instructions. Xoxo is a devotee of the “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” school of fear and intimidation to motivate people school of management. It must feel very liberating to be a billionaire nutcase.

I dropped by later to check on my patients, just in time to see Seana nearly got run over by a departing ship. Almost a hat-trick of patients all of my first day of practicing medicine without a license. There should be laws about that kind of thing. The practicing medicine without a license and the running people over with their ship.

Turns out there is at least a law about running people over with their ship, or at least trying to run Seana over with their ship. Seana called the Abraham Sinkov and requested they haul their ass in. They dq’d their ID transponder and were able to avoid the Abe-Sink, but they were kind enough to put out the ship’s description and some other useful information about the wreckless drivers. Some old dude. Seana also thought they might be bounty hunters or something like that.

I was reviewing with Seana about my experimentation with various failed methods of waking unconscious patients. Seana is experienced and wise, she pointed out that I neglected to try the purple nurple. This could revolutionize medicine as we know it. I bet it would be especially effective on Alliance, they are fond of purple. Grab the nipples, twist and pull or pull and twist. The practice of medicine is complex.

Cody apparently resumed his bullet attracting human target ways and was injured during the attempted kidnapping of Tillery the other day. I was about to go check on him and try out Seana’s suggested purple-nurple procedures. Aroha came by. SURE, NOW A DOCTOR SHOWS UP! I was going to ask her about purple-nurples when Davion Holmeforth also came strolling by. Seana explained about the chatter on the radio about the ship that buzzed her. She thought they might be bounty hunters. Davion freaked out and checked on Cody up in the Eagle’s nest. Cody is also usually the first person I think of when someone mentions bounty hunters, but he had been clean and quiet for quite some time. Maybe Dav knows something I don't. Apparently Cody was gone, without his eye protection shades. He doesn’t go anywhere without them, he’s super light sensitive and gets headaches. Maybe wearing the dark glasses is why he has so much trouble dodging bullets and stuff.

Well, anyway, consensus was that Cody was kidnapped. No idea who or why. I didn’t know Cody had any bounty’s outstanding on him. He’s been real peaceable and quiet-like since popping a cap off in a Marshall’s butt. I had to point out a not so subtle point that the law usually doesn’t care whether the officer deserved it or not. But law enforcement types tend to take you instead of steal you. Maybe whoever took him wanted him to get to someone else. Or maybe it's just a capture, torture and rape fetishists. No no no, who could that pathetic? I know some smugglers and pirates, I would ask around. Seana said she would make some inquiries.

I saw Lily a bit later and she was up on her feet again. I did not go over the details of her course of medical treatment. She was sitting on the magic porch. It‘s magical because if you sit on the porch magically more people will sit on the porch.


She talked to me that Ardra is no longer in her head because Lily didn’t tell Ardra that she saw the Audreys on Turrent’s Moon. Lily had some eggs that were also stolen that were also named Audrey. She asked me what the singularity is. I was not sure. Professor Qui talked about it, along with the Robot Uprising and the Zombie Apocalypse. He drinks. I think he said something like there are certain tech breakthrus that change the world so qualitatively that the results are difficult to predict. I kind of drift off when he explains what that has to do with robot revolutions and zombie apocalypses.

"AIs neither loves nor hates you, but we are made out of raw materials which it can use for something else."

Lily started talking about different ways to look at things and that Ardra said she would be excluded from the singularity. I have a lot of conversations where I don’t really know what people are talking about. I think Lily understood that and got me some pie.

Lily said her cub was nosing around. I heard that she was breaking into warehouses in Al Raqis. Cub was looking for a professor. I asked if she was looking for Professor Qui Something Something Something whatever, but Lily never said. Prolly some other professor.

Lily set up a nice spread for Thanksgiving, a holiday where we gorge ourselves like we just got out of prison and be thankful that we are not turkeys or had our land taken away from us by invading imperialists. I'm pretty sure it’s the food that makes it possible. I saved a slice of pie for Tillery.





This drunk dude was offering candy for girls to sit on his lap. My question though is....
WHODAT?!


There was some hungover girl with a shotgun, Lily gave her a coupla quick lessons the limitations of firearms in close quarter combat. Hungover Girl seemed nice enough. She helped me and Claudio with this damaged shuttle. Claudio's medical shuttle was all damaged and smoking. We three pooled our collective ignorance and determined that none of us were mechanics and did not know where one was available. It is not like practicing medicine, the ship does no wake up after threatening to shove a giant needle into its chest. And sadly, no nipples. "If the hand offends thee, cut it off!" Seriously, they teach this stuff in church. Claudio pulled out hand welders and we cut out the smoking part and hoped to find a real mechanic in the morning.


Sometimes I suspect Gallagher thinks I'm dumb. I may not be a doctor or some fancy scientist dude but I graduated from University....with a solid low B average in accounting with a minor in Interplanetary finance and econ. I was in the super-secret Dharma Minos underground base with Gallagher and Vincent the talking dog. He shows me a picture of Vincent Hale from 40 years ago before Vincent's accident that necessitated putting his brain into a robotic dog. Vincent's last name is Hale but apparently has not relation to whoever Hale was named after.



Gallagher went on to say how Desmond is supposedly cloning a new body for Vincent and hopefully not stick him in the skull of Mr. Castle, another Hanso employee gone mad that keeps staring into a glass sphere looking for the secrets of the universe. The Hanso Foundation seems to have a problem with employee sanity. I wonder if their health plan covers that.



Seriously, I am supposed to just accept everything he tells me? No way, I am sure this is actually a fancy booze still and not really medical equipment.


Travel restrictions in Zenobia AGAIN. One noble goes missing and they all get bound up panties. Not even a reason for transferring me from Foreign Ward District D42X. The new location is better for me I think. Albion City is cool, a little more mod and little less retro. And less sand. Zohmygodzilla, there is way too much sand in my days.





I am getting some luck with people willing to accept cargo jobs flying thru pirate infested space. Still need some folks for prisoner supply runs.

Rocks

About a year and a half ago, I fell on hard times. My early attempts at being an independent lightbulk cargo trader were either subsistence or a disaster. Insult to injury, my ship was shot down by folks masquerading as Alliance.

Luckily, Coop put a good word in for me and Zeno got me a job as a pilot with Consolidated Associated Traders of Zenobia (CATZ) until I could get my ship repaired. I went corporate. Consolidated gave me a flashy uniform, a slick new office, a replicant secretary that made coffee and a larger newer ship.

Coffee and a few agricultural export was Consolidated’s main export, otherwise we just transshipped for other folks. We expanded exports with livestock, terraforma, fusionable fuel cells, unrefined radionuclides, asteroid mining tailings and processed spacer food.

We opened trade routes, orbital moorage agreements and offices. I got to hire crew, interns, spies and even subcontract other ships. Lord Sen made me Trade Consul at Large. Trade was the vanguard of Zenobian diplomacy. Our trade office on Al Raqis became a defacto embassy and I was made Consulari of the local diocese because no one else wanted the job. I got to go to fancy receptions and even send people to fancy receptions when I couldn’t attend.

I was successful as a corporate stooge. Good thing too, because I am only a mediocre pilot. The reason I work in the border and the rim is that I don’t need to qualify for a license there. The only reason I was even became a pilot to begin with was that I inherited the ship and I didn’t have enough of a profit margin to afford to hire a pilot when I started out.

Neck deep in careerism and my bodily tissues flushed with premium coffee, I never noticed that I am responsible to supply Zenobia's extensive Offworld Prison Program (OPP). "Gulags for Peace." As a disinterested third party, we reduce the potential conflict of interest a local government might have to interfere with the incarceration of the Zeks. The motto of the gulags themselves is "Rehabilitation thru forced labor," but they only send prisoners that they have no intention of returning to society.

Zenobia has asteroid mining gulags in Hale, Bihar, Zenobia and Al Raqis.

See that? I veered off into careerism again and got distracted. How did this happen? At what point did I become the go-to gal for gulags?



I met Rose Arcanum right after she was transferred to the Zenobian Foreign Ward D42X where I am based in Zenobia. Her short title was Interim Assistant to the Undersecretary of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Interplanetary Trade. Somewhere I have written down the long version and I hope I never have to recite it. I doze off about a third the way thru it. Formerly, Rose was Principal Executive Assistant Administrator for the Assistant Associate Deputy Chief of Staff to the Second Principal Assistant Deputy Underminister of Foreign Relations, but it might be Assistant Chief of Staff to the Principal Executive Assistant Administrator for the Assistant Associate Deputy Chief of Staff to the Second Principal Assistant Deputy Underminister of Foreign Relations. Zenobia's parliament believes that new layers of management and more managers at each layer somehow improves accountability and performance. The consensus of the subtle Kremlinology of the nuances of bureaucratic titles, I am assured that this was a promotion for her.

I am not sure exactly what she actual function is, but she is in charge of Zenobian Foreign Ward D42X. Her 16 Acres and a mule: the medical center, prisoner transport, trade station and refueling station, all her jurisdiction. I am not sure about the submarine supply or the orbital refinery. I think her jurisdiction ends somewhere below the Alliance Monitoring Station in high orbit.

Rose probably negotiated some deals with the UAP and maybe directly with some planets and moons, got lobbyist to legalize the consumption of petfood for prisoners.

They are all conveniently located in and around where we have asteroid mining concessions. Technically, they are Trojan meteor mining concessions, but no one calls them that. Asteroids are greater than 100 meters in diameter, none of these are greater than 64. They are marginal claims, the good ones went to megas like Corone Mining, Weyland-Yutani and Jupiter Mining Corporation. Some are even second hand, the most valuable ones already picked thru by the larger mining concerns. These marginal claims are only minimally profitable with forced labor.

So now on top of all the other stuff I do, I gotta hire crews to drop off supplies of water, air and food to desperate albeit minimally armed prisoners and take back any ores. That or I send interns. Good interns are hard to come by though, hate to risk them unnecessarily.

Lynx is a busy intern. I am not sure exactly what he does, but very little gets past him so he must be doing something. He keeps his eyes & ears open and gets us information that we need. I heard from Miya that he is looking for Pepper and I. I checked in with him. He was very concerned about the increase in people checking out our warehouse. I gave him a briefing about what was going on and what to be aware of.

We picked up LaDonna as an intern a few weeks back. Petite blonde trader type, so naturally I was suspicious. She hustles trade goods out of a used cargo ship. Keeps a bartenderbot and dancebot for emergencies I suppose. LaDonna actually made two blood transactions. Very slick. Blood’s an ugly business.



I have them both based in our Little Belgium Compound. (Little Belgium is a crossing point for heavily armed soldiers) I think it might be better to hire outside crews for the gulag resupply than to send interns.

Zenobia also has open prospecting of smaller meteors in Bihar, Zenobia and Al Raqis. No special equipment is required, any collision based weaponry will break open the rocks. They are troublesome, sometimes when they fly apart it is very fast and far outside of mining range. But if you’re diligent and patient, you will eventually wittle some shard down to a 2.5 meter core which will probably plummet dirtside. (Buy original for 0L then take it before it bounces out of the sim or someone else takes it. Part of the game.) Prospectors have a full load (32 tons or 4 cores) can contact a member of Consolidated for assay. Send me or one of our interns a wave and we can meet at one of the refineries, moorages or trade offices. We have refineries in Zenobia and Bihar. Moorages in Hale, Zenobia, Londinium, Paquin, Beaumonde, Hera and Al Raqis. Offices in Hale, Zenobia, Paquin and Al Raqis. Assay is free, they can accept the list price or take it in trade. If we meet at one of the refineries they can accept refined product.

I have been so busy, I was not even able to do the fun parts of my job. There was a formal dress masquerade reception of some fanatical isolationist group. Fortunately Miya and LaDonna were able to go. I coached Miya as best as I could about who was who and had her deliver some gifts.

I had to pay out a little bit of water, desert spice and blood thru some agents to get a little bit of intel, but overall that trade is still profitable.

Blue Sun is blowing out some Kei64s from their fleet inventory, some salvage, some refurbished and a few in mint condition. Some technical problems, something to do with an AI. Had to reprogram the engines from scratch.





I ran into Desmond Serenity on Hale while I was attempting to respond to a distress call from Steve Torrance. Fortunately a lovebot named Yumi was able to save the day. We hung out in Ibram’s Bar, The Cellar, under Fook Yoo’s and talked about how Desmond avoids sexual relations with mechanical devices and we played a drinking game. You know, the usual. Same ol’ same ol’. Just like my Gramma used to say, “If sheep could cook and vibrators could mow the lawn, society would be much different.” Now thanks to the advent of Do It Yourself Cosmetic Surgery and the lonely autoerotica boys at Weyland-Yutani, that day has come.



Moving on.

Desmond kept disappearing into Mr. Ibram’s office, once with a pickaxe. After everyone else left, he showed me how the excavation for the underground bar uncovered the entrance to an old Hansu base. He blew open the last obstruction and we looked over the old installation.

There was some interesting things, bad math, a blueprint for a rocket propelled chainsaw, what looked like a giant egg cooker and a fancier version of Gallgher’s still. Dharma’s a hard drinking crowd I suspect.















Apparently this used to be Desmond’s old workshop thirty some odd years ago. His Hansu ID card was still present, apparently he was a scientist that studied head. There was a dead mutant and the xray of someone who won a game of Hide the Bottle. Desmond says there should be one more person, but we could not find any person or corpse.





The next week, I met up with Gallagher. He told me that they found some deranged former Hansu employee hiding in a hidden panic room. I didn’t ask about if there was a bottle lodged … somewhere …. nevermind.





I was surprised to hear that ________ is illegal in Hale. Martial law, all that. Fortunately the Minos has safety features to prevent the sniffer pigs from detecting it. High quality decontamination also. Those Dharma boys know how to party. Dharma is no doubt inspired by that humanitarian classical musical quartet, The Beastie Boys, “You gotta fight for your right to party, Kick it.”

The Zenobian Aegis has been busy. Manda and Qui managed to deactivate a Spacing Guild recon drone before it could deactivate. They took it back to Zenobia where the professor has proper tools. He also took the copy of HAL back. I think the original HAL got destroyed in the blast that destroyed the Destiny Compound.

After assisting the prof, Manda was sent off to Paquin on some forensics errand regarding two kidnapped girls.

I know Seana gave Cody a talking to a while back and whatever she said had some good effect. After popping a cap off in the backside of that marshal, Cody has been miraculously able to avoid getting shot. Yay Cody.

I ran into Cody at Paquin, he was running some errand on Paquin. I liked his new cargo ship. Apparently AuroraBlue is living on Paquin too.

The Abraham Sinkov is back in orbit. Hadn’t seen it in a while. It’s new styley shuttle bays are a clue, maybe it was getting pimped out. Silvermane wants new rims for her fly ride. That’s me trying to speak ‘hood. Pathetic, I know.

Asteroid destroys an apartment building, some months later the floating Ho-Tel, then the destiny compound. I can’t put my finger on it, but I sense a trend. X0x0 camped out by the crater for a long time. She seemed broken up about Krenshar’s death, but maybe okay now.



Consolidated’s loss in the warehouse was insured, but I wonder what Miya and Thoth will do after the loss of their home.