Criminey was always full of tradition at Maison Oyl. The week before the Feast of Saint Nicolas (Sunday following December 7th) we would get our home ready to pass holiday muster. We made strings with popcorn and cranberries to adorn the trees outdoors to feed the few winter birds that were around. A big bag of suet for the more aggressive birds, unless someone used it for haggis.
Since we might not be around for the Burn’s Supper in January, we had to pickle haggis around this date. Fond memories of the piping in the Haggis and reading “Ode to a Haggis”. Happy times indeed.
My favorite part of preparing for the Feast of Saint Nicholas was going out into the woods with my Dad. We would go out deep into the Commons where there was good old growth trees. Surrounded in the majesty of nature’s bounty, we would seek out the best example of Mother Nature’s beauty and glory. THEN CUT IT DOWN.
Dad would frantically chop at its base mercilessly with sharp implements of destruction until falling at our feet, humbled by the force we brought to bear. Forget Gaia Theory, this was Anthropic Ecology at its best, a metaphor for nature’s subordinance to the will of humanity. Then we would drag our kill thru the woods and bind it to the top of our truck. We then drove thru to town, proudly displaying our kill to the envy of other less effective tree hunters.
Once we got it home, everyone would stare in wonder at the kill. Then we carefully cut off another inch or two off the bottom and using thumb screws imbedded into its flesh, we would prop it up. We placed water at its base so it would die slowly.
We hung gawdy baubles and hot lights on the carcass and displayed it prominently in our front foyer.
We left a bribe of organic dairy and diabetic friendly chocolate chip oatmeal almond cashew peanut butter cookies for the spirit of Saint Nicholas to approve our sacrificial yuletide. He would leave trinkets to display of approval.
On Chrminey Eve, we would sit by the tree sipping mulled cider as Dad read us the story about how we have to refer to the holiday as Chriminey because of trademark disputes. He also read a cautionary tale about a mutant reindeer who gained faux tolerance from the otherwise genetic purity obsessed reindeer proletariet when the establishment discovered they could exploit his mutation for the good of the fascist bourgeoisie. I still want a dollie that cries strawberry jam.
On January Sixth, the Chrminey Angels would leave a few little presents, usually ornaments or decorations, to reward us for keeping faithful to the Spirit of Chrminey.
On January Seventh, we would throw out the dried up husk onto the street in the morning like a used up 5 credit prostitute.
Ah, sweet Chrimble memories.
Lilybell is preparing a rescue plan for Cody. Apparently someone wants Davion badly enough and is willing to trade Cody for him. Lily has a secretishy type plan and is making a lot of preparations, which apparently involves jewelry and mittens. DIABOLICAL GENIUS! She hasn’t told Gallagher the plan either. I got this swell necklass and cool mittens. Red, how’d she know?
Gallagher also gave me this swell super secrety Dharma Decoder Ring, Combadge something like that.
Mostly I heard the Verizon dude saying, "Can you hear me now?" Its for importanty type things like coordinating skydiving targets. In this case, thru the front door of the relocated Firefly's Bar. You have to have a particular approach or the auto release feature kicks in too early. It's a skill, yo.
We also had a super secretish meeting with the mayor so that she can deny knowing anything. Ummm, didn't make sense to me. But there was coffee & candy and I peaked at the nudey pics. We also discussed how Silvermane was the laziest Alliance Commander ever. Letting rogue commanders park under her nose and did nothing. Seana did not actually comment, but I am sure that is the politician in her. We know she must loathe Silvermane and have contempt for her incompetence.
Gallagher always wise, showed me these words by Vincent Hale that no doubt inspired him on the eve of many a mission.
Vincent said he was on ecstasy when he said that. Stoner dog.
I rarely question Zeno's judgement, but I was leary when she rented space to Umbrella Corporation. She says, "It's just an office, her secret labs are on Necronom and Turrent's Moon. How is it different that renting to Blue Sun?"
Well, anyway, whatev. Cody was kidnapped and I wanted to help contribute to finding him. Umbrella Corporation provides the best sniffer pigs in the 'verse. I nerved up and went to visit the office. It was much normaller than I expected....
....except for the lower primate secretary.
Is he an orangutan or a chimpanzee with a botched bleach job?
Zaius Reanimator: "Ahem, Harrumph."
Jai Raghilda: "Hey Zaius, how are you?"
Zaius Reanimator: "Grrr, aargh, fooey."
Jai Raghilda: "It’s been a rough week for me too. I need to rent a pig."
Zaius Reanimator: "Glug Glug Glug?"
Jai Raghilda: "No, I'm good thanks."
Zaius Reanimator: "Cootchie Cootchie?"
Jai Raghilda: "Back off, primate."
Zaius Reanimator: "Pfft."
Jai Raghilda: "I'm here to see Mercedes about renting a sniffer pig, is she around?"
Zaius Reanimator: "Hmph."
Jai Raghilda: "Dude, is she or isn't she?"
Zaius Reanimator head bobbles.
Jai Raghilda: "Don't give me that attitude."
Zaius Reanimator: "Bwa-ha-ha-haaaa." Kissy sounds.
Jai Raghilda: "Forget it, I'll just call one of her 'secretaries' on Necronom or Botany Bay."
Zaius Reanimator: "Mwah-smoochie-smoochie. Thwack, D'Oh."
Jai Raghilda: "Yeah, if you just get all jumpy and smootchie, that's how they'll treat you. Aren't they prostitutes? You could just pay them, no?"
Zaius Reanimator head bobbles.
Jai Raghilda: "You never tried talking or paying, did you? Talk to them, dance a bit. Or go to Firefly's, they're furry friendly. I can hook you up on a place I know on Hera and another place in Londinium."
Zaius Reanimator: dances, "Ouga Chaka Ouga Ouga, Ouga Chaka Ouga Ouga..."
Jai Raghilda: "Catchy tune, but no, not now. dance with them, not with me. I mean talk to the hookers I mean secretaries."
Zaius Reanimator: "Ma-mua-muah-mwa-mwah smack-smack-schmack smoochie-smoochie."
Jai Raghilda: "Dial it back with the kissy sounds."
Zaius Reanimator: "Boo-hoo-hoo."
Jai Raghilda: "Forget it, Zaius, not gonna work on me."
Zaius Reanimator: "Hmph," sighs, "daka-daka-daka, bratatata, ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta, rat-tat-tat-tat."
Jai Raghilda: "She's out hunting? Mutants or Zombies?"
Zaius Reanimator moans.
Jai Raghilda: "Zombies, okay. Thanks Zaius. Tell Mercedes I called. I need to rent a sniffer pig."
Zaius Reanimator shakes head.
Jai Raghilda: "What Now?!"
Zaius Reanimator hands Jai a paper with lyrics.
Jai Raghilda: "Dude, if I do this, you'll deliver the message?"
Zaius Reanimator nods.
Jai Raghilda: "How did you ever get a job as a secretary?
Zaius Reanimator shows his vocational education certificate showing he can type 120 words per minute and take live dictation.
Jai Raghilda: "Okay. ready, you start."
Zaius Reanimator: "Mah Nà Mah Nà."
Jai Raghilda sighs, "Do doo be-do-do."
Zaius Reanimator: "Mah Nà Mah Nà."
Jai Raghilda: "Do do-do do."
Zaius Reanimator: "Mah Nà Mah Nà."
Jai Raghilda: "Do doo be-do-do be-do-do be-do-do be-do-do-doodle do do do-doo do!"
Zaius Reanimator: "Mah Nà Mah Nà Nà-Nà-Nà, Mah Nà Nà Nà-Nà-Nà, Mah Nà-Nà, Nà-Nà-Nà."
Jai Raghilda: "Ahem."
Zaius Reanimator sighs, "Mah Nà Mah Nà."
Jai Raghilda: "Do doo be-do-do."
Zaius Reanimator: "Mah Nà Mah Nà."
Jai Raghilda: "Do do-do do."
Zaius Reanimator: "Mah Nà Mah Nà."
Jai Raghilda: "Do doo be-do-do be-do-do be-do-do be-do-do-doodle do do do-doo do!"
Zaius Reanimator claps his hands, "Ooooh oooh oooooh! Ahhhh Ahhh Ahhhhhhh."
Jai Raghilda: "Okay, thanks Zaius. Talk to you again soonlyish. Have Mercedes call me about the pig."
Zaius Reanimator nods and waves bye-bye.
Zeno said the season is over, so we have to park her yacht and the submarine until next year. We took it out for a quick sail. There were technical difficulties or pilot error, not sure which.
Habitat Ring added to the Zenobian Trade Station, now orbiting Avalon, one of Zenobia's Moon
WHODAT!?
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